Friday, April 4, 2014

Understanding

I don't know why I'm going through this trial right now. I'm so frustrated. My body is beyond tired. Tired of fighting this pain I feel everyday, emotionally exhausted and just plain lack of sleep. When will this end, how long do I have to endure. I can't sleep, when I do, I have to lay on my right side, so my shoulder hurts, and my arm and my hip and my leg. I wake up constantly only to find my body sore from sleeping in the same position all night long. I'm also freezing. My scabs have fallen off, leaving new skin exposed and it is sorer than ever. It's so hard to explain, it's like an electric burning sensation, and usually comes in a quick jolt, like I've been electrocuted. Since my skin is so sensitive now, I can't wear a shirt. Tim has helped me cut off an old shirt that was his with long sleeves so at least my arms are kept warm. I'm longing to cover my waist, isn't that a strange want? Maybe it's security or warmth, I'm not sure, but it's getting old. Recently we put a space heater by my bed so I wouldn't be so cold. That has helped a lot. These are a few pics of how it's been looking the past few days.

I also hate staring at my gut all day, I can not wait to be able to work out again. Nothing like walking around almost naked for a month to motivate me to get in shape!
My emotions are out of control. I mean besides crying from the pain, anything a little stressful, I just can't bring myself to deal with right now. I feel like I'm never going to get better, and that thought alone makes me cry. I hate being inside all day, I hate that I can't go shopping, I hate that I can barely take care of my family. Finding anything to make me happy these days, is hard and honestly, I just don't think I care right now. I'm pretty sure that the only other time I've felt like this, is when we moved to Utah after Tim had lost his job. I'm generally a positive, happy person, but this is feeling overwhelming for me and I want it to end.
Tonight I was flipping through my Instagram feed and one of my friends had posted a spiritual thought. One that I needed to be reminded of. Trust in The Lord. He knows all, He has a plan for me. These past few weeks I have seen such compassion from my ward family and my friends. The Lord knows what I need, and when I need it. I have had wonderful visits from my Visitng Teacher who was brought me wonderful messages as well as things that have helped fill whatever void I needed filled. Yesterday she brought me some Aloe Vera gel, and today it has soothed my burning skin. Another friend has given me some medicine that has helped with my pain. I'm so grateful for each and every person who has texted and called and visited. I am truely blessed to have these people in my life. There are also no words to express how much I love my husband. He probably gets just as much sleep as I do, and still manages to go to work and come home and help me with whatever I need done. I feel so bad that he feels so helpless while he watches me cry while he rubs burn medicine on my back. It's funny because most of the time he just laughs at me because he doesn't know what else to do, but it makes me happier. I'm so glad he is here to help me through this. I know I will get better, I just need to trust in The Lord. He knows the desires of my heart, and He can help comfort me. Another thing I learned when Tim lost his job, was that by accepting service from other people, I was allowing others to recieve blessings. I need to remember that that is what is happening here again, as hard as it is for me to ask for help, I know I am allowing other people to be blessed. I'm so grateful for the gospel and I love my family so much. Ok Shingles, you can now leave!!!!

 

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

The most horrible, awful thing ever

It all started when I took Chase to our Pediatrician on Wednesday, March 5th. I took him in because it looked like he had an infection in his finger around his nail. He was able to just give him an antibiotic for it, and it cleared up quickly. But before we left the appointment, I had him listen to Everleigh. She had been sick with a cold for quite some time and wasn't getting better. He said she had an infection in her lungs, prescribed another antibiotic and wanted to see her again next week. So she started taking that and was getting better. It's so hard to see the little ones with colds, not much relief for them. We went back to the doctor on the 13th and she was fine. At this appointment, I had mentioned to my pediatrician that I think I now have caught her cold, as well as Kardyn. He said Kardyn sounded fine and she would get over it soon, but I was pretty sure that mine had turned into a sinus infection. Now, I must say that this was maybe my first real cold of the season. I have tried something new with our family for the cold season this year because we are usually constantly sick with colds. We have been taking sovern silver and we have noticed a dramatic difference in sicknesses in our house. The colds have been significantly reduced, mostly gone to zero with Tim and I and maybe just a few for the kids. Ok, so now that I know I've had this sinus infection since last week, and had been debating wheather or not to call my doctor and get an antibiotic. I had almost called that previous Monday, the 10th, but by Thursday the 13th, it's too bad and decide to call and get antibiotics. They prescribe me one and I sart taking it same day. Now, earlier in the week, maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, I woke up feeling like Tim had kneeded me super hard in the back, like around my kidney. It was pretty sore that day, and continued to the next. Then it started getting worse and it couldn't figure out what happened. I thought maybe I pulled some muscles in my back while coughing so hard with my sinus infection, because the pain was getting pretty bad. I talked to my mom to try and figure out if the pain could possibly be something else. We concluded that it was pretty non specific and must be from coughing. I was just getting worried, she thought maybe I could have pneumonia?! The pain was really specific to my left side and she thought maybe only one lung had it. But since I had just started my antibiotic, if I did have pneumonia, it would take care of it. I really had this feeling inside that this was something bad, but I had no idea what it was. That's why I called my mom. I did have thoughts about how sad it would be if I as sick while my family was here next week, but then realized it would be nice for them to be here and help take care of the kids. However, I brushed that thought away because I didn't know what was happening. That night I borrowed a heating pad to sleep with to try and numb the pain in my back. When I woke up I noticed what looked like maybe some ingrown hairs or something on my back, that to me looked like they had gotten a bit irritated from maybe sleeping with the heating pad. I was pretty sure I had noticed them there a few days ago, but it didn't seem like a big deal. On Friday my pain was awful, I felt like I was in back labor all day. I couldn't sit, stand or lay to find relief. I finally called Tim close to quitting time and begged him to hurry home. Eventually I showed him my "rash" and it looked worse. He said, "that looks like Shingles, you should call your mom." I had no idea what shingles looked like, or really even were so I denied it, but texted my mom anyway. She was at work and we FaceTimed when she got home. Tim had taken the kids and was gone at this point. Once she told me what Shingles were and how they show up, we did noticed more of a rash on my side and then again on my stomach. It's funny because also at some other point earlier in the week, I did mention to Tim that I felt like something was catching on my belly button, like a had something pokey stuck to my shirt or something, but whenever I looked, nothing was ever there. Once we concluded that the pain was indeed coming from the rash on my back and my stomach, that I did have Shingles. We figured it was too late for me to get the antiviral shot because we weren't sure how long I had actually had them and you have to get it within the first 72 hours. Plus it was Friday night, and I wasn't sure what to do on Saturday morning if my doctor was even in or not. That night was awful! I had tried taking a half of a pain pill that Tim had left from his ankle surgery and it made me so nausaus. Dizzy and pain do not go well, so I didn't take another one and went to bed. I woke up so many times in the night, just crying because it hurt so bad. Tim was able to get me a prescription in the morning for a different pain pill and I had it by the next afternoon. That morning though I couldn't get out of bed. Every time I used the muscles in my back, I thought that I was going to hyperventilate. It felt like my lungs were being squeezed, but it was painful. Laying didn't hurt so much so I stayed in bed. Meanwhile, Kathlene cake over and fixed my girls hair because they had a birthday party to go to. She is so sweet. She later brought me some treats to help me feel better. The pain meds seemed to be making the pain more bearable, but by Sunday, they were making my dizzy. We had friends in the ward bring my family dinner on Saturday and Sunday, which was so amazing. I literally could not walk. What a blessing this was for us. On Monday, my parents were set to arrive around 2, so I was anxious. Tim took the day off work, got Chase and Kardyn to school and cleaned the house so my parents could come. Have I mentioned how amazing he is?! Because he really stepped up when I needed him. He did everything, laundry, cleaned bathrooms, kitchen, whatever needed to be done. When my parents got here, she had brought me some new pain pills that she had felt impressed to bring for me. She knew they didn't make her sick and thought I should try. What a blessing, these helped make my pain bearable and not be dizzy. By Monday, I had already had two priesthood blessings, hoping to get better before my family came. On Wednesday I had a breakdown. My mom was helping me apply some oils (I had made an emergency purchase of some DoTerra oils with a friend from Naperville who so amazingly helped me find what was needed to help with shingles. She stayed up super late to help me place an order on Friday night so I could receive them quickly. They arrived on Tuesday and they were helping quite a bit to sooth the intense burning, nerve pain) and I just started crying. I couldn't handle the pain anymore, when was it going to stop, I want to be better for Chases baptism on Friday! It was too much for me at that point. I called a friend and asked him to come give me another blessing with my dad. I am so greaful for the priesthood and the comfort that it can bring. I started getting better that next day. My rash started to look like it wasn't so angry anymore! It still hurt, but I decided I needed to stop taking the pain meds so that I could be ok on Friday. I started taking Tylenol and Motrin. I was also super constipated from the pain meds so my stomach was aching big time. That got fixed that night and by Thursday I was walking around the house! My body was so tired and I was excited to get some of my appetite back. Friday was about the same but was faced with finding clothes to wear! I had been in nothing but sweats all week. I was able to make it to chases baptism, what a blessing! It was amazing, so many friends and family there supporting him. It was great. By Sunday, I was able to take a walk with my family before they had to leave on Monday morning. Gene and Karen had left on Sunday. I was emotional when everybody left as I had no idea how I would do this on my own once they were gone. Even though I could walk, my pain was still there. I've been lucky enough to have wonderful friends and an amazing Visiting Teacher who have brought us dinner and helped with the kids this week. My strength is slowly coming back and my pain is getting better every day. Although my skin no longer looks like my own, it's healing.

The above picture was probably Tuesday or Wednesday

These are so nasty I can't even believe it. This was Thursday or Friday, my week was such a blur it's so hard to really say.

The below picture was Monday. Finally starting to scab and heal

This month has made me realize how thankful I am for my family, friends, the gospel and tender mercies of The Lord. I know He was looking out for my family and I'm so thankful for all the phone calls and gifts and food that have been thoughtfully prepared for us.

Here are some pictures I forgot to add in my last post. Uncle Zane was such a help with my kids while I was sick, so thankful for him too.

 

Baptism

Chase made the decision to get baptised! We are so proud of him! Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa and Uncle Zane came out to be a part of this event. Here are some of the goings on of the week.

Kardyn had a permanent player for Uno all week she was in heaven.

We had such an enormous amount of support for Chase at the baptism, we filled the room, people were standing! We sure love this boy! After this most of the family went Go Karting. Lots of fun was had there!

We were sad to see everyone leave, we are so blessed to have such wonderful family!

Braces

It was brought to my attention last fall by his dentist (whom I don't love that much) that Chase had a baby tooth fall out very early (we are not sure when) and sine that happened, his teeth had scooted forward, and blocked the open space where his adult tooth is supposed to fit. The orthodontist suggested that we put braces on his top teeth to make the space for his tooth to come in so that adult teeth will not have to get pulled and also avoid getting an infection in that adult tooth when it tries to come in and finds there is no room for it.

He wanted Oregon Ducks colored of course, green and yellow! He says 49ers colors next time, funny boy.

 

Birthday Boy

Time flies when you have kids. Chase turned Eight this year.meight. How is this possible? This year he had a friend party and we decided on an Olympic Theme, since it was Winter Olympic time. We had races of all sorts, a sign in table for all the athletes. Gatorade, Olympic ring sugar cookies and cupcake torches! Everybody left with an Olympic medal and a bag of candy. Successful party!